Anxiety. God I never thought I’d have to experience it, but I have and I do. It isn’t easy to talk about but a little easier to write about. For me it’s feels like an embarrassing thing, some sort of failure on my part for having such attacks. To say it’s bad is an understatement. I have had two anxiety attacks this year; my first ever attacks. It’s hard to properly describe the feelings that anxiety brings. For me it’s something that descends out of no where. My heart is pounding, I feel faint, breathless and essentially like I am going to die. Fully convinced in fact that the first time I got it I asked to go to the hospital convinced that something was desperately wrong with me.
The second time was worse. Convinced I could get through it without help (I’m an adult, aren’t I?), by myself I sat up for 2 hours trying to calm myself. Eventually I was so tired despite my fear that I was doing to die I went to sleep. Not without set my alarms to wake me up in the next 20 mins in case anything happened. Imagine? Sounds ridiculous. But that’s how real an anxiety attack is. The way your brain can trick your body into reacting like that is insane. When I woke up the next morning I still felt unnervingly shaky and clammy. I felt a fullness in my stomach and felt like I still wasn’t breathing properly. Because I had hadn’t gone for help when I had my attack I was suffering the after affects. My mother nearly murdered me when I told her I had not called anyone for help. We decided to go to the doctor who very kindly referred my to get my heart checked to put my mind at rest and give me an ECG. I’m happy to say everything looks fine. I’ve further to check but so far so good. I still had the chest fullness the following day but I’m happy to say it’s gone now. Thankfully no doctor just dismissed it as a panic attack they were more than happy to investigate it further just in case.
As for the anxiety I will have to practice breathing techniques and ways to calm myself. I read one girl had lessened her anxiety through exercise. Hopefully these attacks will not become common but if they do I will have to learn how to cope and what triggers. The first few days after the attacks I found myself getting nervous when I saw someone on TV die or heard the word death. I was nervous to go to bed in case I had another attack. But I will learn to cope with those triggers as well and they will get better with every day. One day at a time 🙂 – Mínseach