Kitty is strong and fearless. Kitty will not allowed himself to be ignored; standing perfectly in the centre of the doorway to ensure that those who dare to defy him must walk awkwardly around him and take notice of his presence. His weapon is his demanding call; his meow. Kitty knows he can easily wear down his foes long before he grows tired of meowing and trying to make human fall over (the latter just amuses him). He doesn’t want to seriously hurt human; who will magically fill his bowl then? Kitty cannot open doors, yet. Kitty’s special talent to to meow every 2 seconds when human is being particularly stubborn. The incoherent shouting and grumbling (human cannot speak as eloquently as his master), is worth the reward of food. In the beginning, the master and servant relationship was sweet; master wants to better show pity to human. Kitty brings human mice and rats and even one special occasion, having learned the human did not like the taste of mouse, a steak. But human refused this show of benevolence, thinking it was in charge it yelled at him and banished him outdoors for an entire day. The relationship dynamic shifted them. Kitty stopped bringing the human any food, hoping it would starve. But it didn’t. It, much to the kitty’s confusion, got bigger, eating a mass of something that looked like the kitty’s own droppings. He was suspicious that his plan of leaving little ‘presents’ around the house for his servant to find had backfired against him. Human had somehow made it into some type of square, and ate it with glee and in copious amounts. Kitty didn’t think he was leaving that many ‘presents’.
But kitty will persevere. Through kitty’s acts of jumping on human when he is sleeping, scratching his girlfriend and slicing through his leather couch, kitty makes a stand, kitty makes a point. Surprise scratches when human thinks he’s safe always brightens kitty’s day. He will not give up, he will not give in. Kitty will rise to fight again; once he is finished his 12 hour nap and licked his entire body with extra points if he licks his genitals in front of human and disgusts him. Hah, human never even showers.
Authors note: Not based on a true story. My cat is actually lovely and I’m not a man. This is just my bad attempt at funny. – Mínseach