- ALWAYS judge a book by its cover. Never approach books with lackluster covers, you’re just giving them false hope. Hard pass.
- Check the summary at the back – sound boring? Pass. This book is going to actually force you to work for its approval by reading it. Don’t give into that smug book-face.
- If its past all the other hurdles open that book. Slowly, make it want you. Scan the text quickly so you don’t let the book know it has won you over. Check how it’s written. Big chunks of text? No Spacing? Pass. A lot of pictures? You’re probably in the children’s section. Buy that shit. Why should only children be allowed to have to picture books? Entitled drunk midgets.
- Close the book quickly and dump it back on the shelf if you like it. Make that book work FOR YOU. Hear its delicious pleas as you strut out of the bookshop.
- Repeat for 12 weeks. Return to buy book.
- Finished reading the whole book? Eat all the pages blended in a smoothie.